


What I think SHOULD have happened in 15x18

by Jaysaysk



Series: a (short) series of rewrites cuz i hate the spn writers [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Boyfriends, Castiel in Love (Supernatural), Castiel in the Empty (Supernatural), Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Gay, Gay Male Character, Goodbyes, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Kissing, Lost Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), One Shot, One True Pairing, One-Sided Attraction, POV Dean Winchester, Sad, Sad Ending, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27521806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaysaysk/pseuds/Jaysaysk
Summary: I'm tweaking the ending of Supernatural 15x18 because I was EXTREMELY unsatisfied and I felt that was the most homophobic ending that destiel could have ever had. If you have not watched 15x18 I suggest you do before reading this.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Casxdean - Relationship
Series: a (short) series of rewrites cuz i hate the spn writers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055033
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	What I think SHOULD have happened in 15x18

**Author's Note:**

> I will state now that what I write might not be very accurate to the actual episode because I have not actually watched the whole thing. TBH I haven't watched any episodes from season 15 because it's trash...

Cas reluctantly backed away from the door. A heavy sigh escaped from his mouth. After catching his breath, he turned his attention back onto Dean, who looked like his whole world had shattered around him.

"It was Chuck, all along," Dean said quietly, an expression of regret made its way onto the Winchester's face. The sound of Billie banging on the door seemed to fade into dull background noise. "We never should have left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now," he paused for a second, taking in his surroundings. He and Cas were cornered. "Everybody's gonna die, Cas, everybody."

Castiel looked at his friend. The feeling of pure terror had flooded his brain. He didn't know what to do or what to say. All he could do is listen to Dean. The banging on the door made its presence known before fading back into the background.

"I can't stop it," the hunter began to walk towards Castiel, "She's gonna get through that door."

"I know." That's all the angel could say. There were so many things racing through his mind that he could only muster up those two words.

"And she's gonna kill you, and she's gonna kill me." Dean looked up at his friend one last time. He no longer looked scared or regretful. All that was left on Dean's face was an expression of pure defeat. "I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry_

Hearing those words come out of Dean's mouth made Castiel realize that the two of them would not leave that room alive. He realized at that moment that only one thing could be done, and he realized now was the time to tell Dean everything. Before making the ultimate sacrifice to save everyone.

"But there is," the angel began. He faced Dean so he could really get a good look at him. "There's one thing she's afraid of. There's one thing... strong enough to stop her." This was it, time to come clean. Castiel avoided looking at Dean head-on because he knew the tears in the hunter's eyes would make him emotional. He needed to keep his strong suit on to be able to say what he needed to say.

"When Jack was dying, I... I made a deal to save him."

"You what?" Dean tilted his head in disbelief, another secret kept from him by Cas.

"The price was my life," Cas finally was able to bring himself to look Dean in the eyes again.

"When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever." A small weight was lifted off his shoulders for a brief second. Still, Dean's expression change added an even more considerable weight back on.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Dean asked, almost angry. He felt a weird feeling of betrayal as if this deal was the worst to be ever made. For a quick second, his attention shifted from his friend to the door when Billie began to pound harder.

"I always wondered," Castiel changed the position in which he was standing. The feeling of bittersweet anticipation had engulfed his entire body. "Ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be. What my true happiness could even look like." Cas looked longingly at Dean. Everything he's ever felt and wanted to say, it was beginning to make its way up his throat and out of his mouth. Dean just stood before the angel, scared and confused at what he might say.

"I never found an answer." Castiel continued. "Because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have." He had to shake his head at that last bit. Never in a million years did he think he'd finally be able to admit this to Dean.

Castiel had always hoped that, when he finally did share his secret, he'd have a happy ending. That Dean would feel the same and that he could be happy. Happy with no consequences, happy with only more happiness to follow. But it became clear to the angel that he would never get that, so he at least had to tell Dean now so that he knew.

"But I think I know. I think I know now. Happiness, isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it." A tiny smile had appeared on Castiel's lips.

"What are you talking about, man?" Dean already knew the answer to his own question. He so badly wanted to deny everything that was happening right in front of him. The man was practically begging to be wrong. He hoped with all his might that Cas wasn't going to say what he thought he was going to say. Cas took a few steps closer towards Dean, and he could feel a slight warmth make its way toward him too.

"I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean." Tears began to well up in Castiel's eyes. He could feel that armor he had trapped himself in, slowly breaking away. He caught Dean's eyes staring right at him. He could not register what the hunter was thinking. "I know you see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken, and you're... you're daddy's blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that's what drives you, that's who you are." It was clear that Cas had struck a nerve. It was easy to tell when Dean tensed at his words.

"It's not." Castiel quickly stated. "And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything that you have ever done, the good and the bad. You have done for love." Cas's heartbeat started to race as Dean stared at him. "You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world, for love. That is who you are." The angel felt his voice break ever so slightly. He hoped that Dean hadn't caught that. He could feel his body wanting to give out. So much effort was being put into his last words. Billie's pounding grew louder and louder with each one.

"You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, so Castiel tried to smile through it. He tried so hard to just focus on Dean and not himself. It would be so selfish for him to let himself cry. "You know ever since we met, and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me." He couldn't hold it back any longer. Tears began to fall down his cheeks. Yet still, he smiled because he was looking at the only thing that mattered to him at that moment, Dean. Dean was the whole reason he was doing this; the reason he was sacrificing himself. Castiel would rather die knowing that Dean was safe than having a life after Dean's inevitable death.

"Because you cared, I cared, I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack... but I cared about the whole world because of you." He took a long pause to look carefully at Dean. I mean, he had been looking at Dean this entire time, but this time it was different. Castiel needed to look at every detail, every freckle on Dean's face.

"You changed me, Dean." Cas let out a small little laugh. He was dumbfounded at the fact that he was pouring his heart out in front of him like this.

"Why does this sound like a 'Goodbye'?" Dean asked almost silently. His face was blank. So many emotions had gone through his mind that he didn't know what to do.

"Because it is," Cas breathed. His eyes felt hot, and his vision was blurry. He looked up at Dean and smiled.

"I love you."

Dean could see it, all the years of pining and longing and, all of the years that he waited, Dean could see all of that in the angel's eyes. That was it; he had finally said it. Dean was always so scared of this day. He was scared to let himself love someone, in fear that he might lose them. Yet there Dean was, standing before the person he loved, about to lose him. There was nothing he could do. He was frozen. He so badly wanted to say it back but, his mouth wouldn't move.

"Don't do this, Cas..."

Suddenly, Dean felt the hairs on his neck start to rise. He turned around and saw the Empty, getting ready to take Cas away. Just like that. He looked back at Cas, who had accepted his fate. The door burst open to reveal Billie. Dean was terrified.

  
"Cas," that's all he could say, the angel's name. A name that rolled off his tongue with so much ease, a name that made him feel warm every time he said it. A name he knew he might never speak again, not without pain following it. Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Goodbye, Dean." The angel moved his hand, revealing a bloody handprint, and placed it on Dean's cheek.

A chill was sent down Dean's spine. He immediately melted into Cas's hand. That's when he knew this was real, that Cas was going to die. That he wasn't going to be able to say it back. A tear rolled down his cheek and onto Castiel's bloody hand. His body felt so hot with emotion, and without thinking, he threw himself onto the angel. He gripped him so tightly, exactly as Cas did to him all those years ago in Hell. He pulled back to look into Cas's eyes.

"I," he couldn't say it, so instead, he pressed his lips onto Cas's.

Cas couldn't believe this was happening. It was a long-awaited dream come true, but he knew it couldn't last. It took all of his strength to push Dean off of him. He looked at him for his last time and smiled, then shoved the hunter away. He took a deep breath in, and then, the Empty surrounded itself around him and took him. It did the same with Billie. Just like that, Dean was the only person in the room.

There he was, all alone. He had to look around the room to make sure if it was true. His breathing became labored, and his vision began to blur. Tears streamed down his face. He couldn't believe that just happened. He looked to his left, and out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of the bloody handprint Cas had left. It was just like the scar he had left when he pulled him out of Hell. He placed his right hand on the blood. He squeezed it harshly, so much so that it began to hurt. He wanted to yell or hit something, or just, he had to do something. He needed to do something, but there was nothing he could do.

"I lov-" he began to mumble, then his phone rang. It was from Sam. He stared blankly at the phone screen, just waiting for the call to go to voicemail. What was he going to tell Sam when he saw him again? How could he even explain what happened? The ringing finally stopped, and Dean let out a heavy sigh. He figured he'd think of something to tell Sam. The hunter got up off the floor. After wiping his tears from his face, he cleared his throat. He looked back, where Cas used to stand, before finally walking out of the room.

"Bye Cas."

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for this, if it makes you feel better, I cried a little while writing this. I would like to say that my ending was inspired by art from Missartsy on Instagram, so yeah. I really hope you enjoyed this rewrite as much as I did.


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